I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
