hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
