I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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