you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
