careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
