its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it glows. i had to have it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
