what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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