Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
