and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
