got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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