WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
