how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
