plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
