I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
