he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
