Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
