come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
