How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
