wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
