Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Everclear isn't food dammit
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
