I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
