Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
