3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
