Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
