What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
