My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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