He uses pillows to masturbate.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
