My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
