I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
