have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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