I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
