Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
