I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
