Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
