I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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