They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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