I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
