Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
