I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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