I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
