it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
