I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
