Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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