Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
