Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
