She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
