tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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