i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Let's paint friendship bongs
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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