I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
