That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
