I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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