how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
