i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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