I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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