I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
