you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I need moral support for this bender
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
