So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
