They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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