I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
