That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
