I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
