I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
